Tuesday 30 November 2010

ksvha#p9sHBWNw

cadburys flake dipped. 280 calories. that's a no-no. straight to the "binge-box" that's for sure!

carrots (17), veggie fingers (98), cheesy potato stuff (84) = 199 calories. yeye, not all the potato. burn it off. crunches. sleep five hours later. on left side. try not to throw up. sounds like a plan. see ya later man. another exam tomorrow. see ya.

29th november 2010

i fucking hate mondays. shittiest day of the week. shit lessons at school today too; double geography. fml. but holly&lauren the double act cheered me right up xD haha, so holly put on my glasses and put her hair in two ponytails, then i was like holly you look like a peng ned. she had no idea what i meant. so i translated to you look like a fit nerd. she actually LOL'ed st my vocabulary. ahwell, thats welsh people for you. they just sound like the bunch off gavin&stacey. chav alert! ;)
yeah, and i ate. i ate bad D: it was 2 veggie fingers, some diet chip thingies and sweetcorn. fat pig! -.- ahwell, misfits always cheers me up, pmsl i was :') anyway, i've got an english exam tomorrow, providing the school's not closed cz of the snow. but seriously school's got more chance of closing for the snow as i've got a chance of getting skinny.

~ ~ adieu ~ ~

Sunday 28 November 2010

if you really want to know.

okay, well i got asked exactly what was in my "binge box" by someone anonymous. here goes,,
 okay:
1 double decker chocolate bar,
1 galaxy mistletoe bar,
1 cadbury's chocolate mini roll,
1 vienese mint chocolate bar,
1 slimming world chocolate hifi bar,
1 packet of cheese dorito's,
1 packet of onion ring crisps,
2 mars bars,
2 pain au chocolats,
3 packets of cadbury's chocolate buttons,
3 bags of butterkist popcorn,
3 bags of orange shortbreads,
3 twix chocolate bars,
3 bags of tesco crisps (2 cheese and onion, 1 prawn cocktail),
5 penguin wafer bars,
5 club chocolate bas (3 orange, 2 mint),
7 fruit breakfats bars (idk),
9 packets of go-ahead bars.

that is it, i hope it helped to clear up any issues you had. bye :')

wooooo

yay. i've finally updated this shit :D and guess what? 106 fucking lbs today. get in. lost a lb since yesterday. the scale says 7st10, but the thing is my scale is wrong and always says anyoe is 2lbs heavier then they actually are. sucks. anyway, i'm buzzing so much i'm singing along to jay z. what a beast, phwoaaar xD "life's a game and it's not fair, i break the rules so i don't care, so i keep doing my own thing, walking tall against the rain, victory's within the mile, almost there don;t give up now, only thing that's on my mind, is who's gonna run this town toniteeee." i worship that song. i actually GET the lrics. victory being within the mile and all that shit. oh yes.

27th november 2010

hey. good day. good mood. good life. everythings good :D

25th november 2010

hmm, ceebs to write owt today. i had 200 calories exactly today mind D: erm, well i went to school and had to do a science exam i missed yesterday. piece of cake it was. haha ironic that :L hmm, and i have two english exams next week. best go and prepare for them like, i suck at descriptive writing and something to do with writing a narrative or something? idk :\ ohwell. ta-raaaaaaaa.

25th november 2010

yay i'm at home again today, it's meant to snow soon mind so i'm glad :D i had to beg though, and i'm not allowed to spend the whole day in bed. fml. being ill sucks ):
anyway, i didn't eat yesterday, and not yet today either, and it's 2 o'clock and i've been up since half past five. bit by bit i'm welcoming control back into my life. and that's good.

did i mention i gained last week? yeah i did. two fucking pounds anyway, i'm like 108lbs now. fluctuating much! that's gona stop soon though :D i've not even binged in forever. can't even remember the last time i binged, and all the shitty foods people give me is going in my "binge box". i hide it, and i haven't even eaten any of the shit that's in there. well fucking done babes xD wanna see inside? ;)



god, people must think i'm really really weird now. oh well. fuck them. i don't care anymore. i'm carefree.

24th november 2010

what did i tell you eh? haha i'm at home ill right now. with flu. fucking hate the winter sometimes. ugh. not eating today. i don't deserve it. atm, i'm just sat in my bed wearing an ankle length zebra patterned fleece nightie over my 3 other layers of clothes, reading harry potter fanfictions on fanfiction. LOL. what a weirdo you must think i am. ahwell, i admit it. i'm a weirdo okay? deal with it! :L
oww! i just moved and it hurt. i ache, i can't breathe, my throat hurts, my chest hurts, i'v thrown up twice, and to top it all off, i've now got a migraine coming on. gaaaaaa i need more sleep. even though it's 11am. nighty nitee (:

23rd november 2010


gah. this is me. the me on 22nd november. the last time i will be me. ugh i hate civvies days at school, even if it is for a good cause; this time it being children in need. god i sound so cold hearted.
followed the plan today. now i feel like shit, i had another science exam today; that's probably why. my brain needs a rest. i think i might stay at home being ill tomorrow. ceebs with school. ceebs with life. ceebs with my stupid little stepbrother. the git.

22nd november 2010

good mood! i got 20 out of 25 in a history test the stupid headteacher sprung on us before my science exam. yay for me. at least people won't think i'm stupid. only fat. yeah, best do someting about that. eat nothing all day. exercise. eat dinnner. consume no more than 300 all day max. hide food. exercise some more. watch i'm a celebrity get me out of here. not bother to do homework. then sleep,,, sounds like a plan to me. goodbye fatty mcfat.

21st november 2010

hey. shit day. went swimming. consumed calories. not good. bought a top from new look. too fat for it. cba to do my french homework. depressed. miss my dad. annoyed at my brother. mum's crying doing my head in. going to watch i'm a celebrity get me out of here. bye.

20th november 2010

haha i suck at bowling :L

20th november 2010

yay, good day today mateey! i went mountain biking, and guess how far i managed to do? 12 fucking miles bitchezz xD and i'm actually really proud of myself cz i haven't been on my bike since june :L and i've had some tomato pasta when we went bowling, and a bag of maltesers before we cycled. fuck. i know its unhealthy but it was either that or my dad made me eat meat. ewwwww! ewwwww! ewwwww! fml. guess it's good that i burned it off? ahwell. god, did i just say ahwell? where the fuck has my fucking control gone?! fuck this shit you fat bitch!

19th november 2010

shitting hell. well tonight couldn't get any worse could it? i met my dads girlfriend, she's really lovely actually. bless her, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into by getting involved with my dad, whihc means getting involved with me and my "issues". gah i'm so depressed. i stuck to the plan but i couldn't purge in the mcdonalds toilets cz they were out of order? that's just retarded! and i can't even purge at home cz of my mother.
guess what she told me earlier? yeah she's pregnant. i'm dead happy for her, cz i mean i already sussed it out; morning sickness, lack of tampons, mood swings, always tired and ill etc. like when she was pregnant with joe 4 years ago. i was dead excited. but that excitement didn't last long,, she had a silent miscarriage. shit. she's so upset and i don't even know what to do ): she's going to hospital sunday to have the operation to remove the baby /: baby charlie <3 R.I.P

19th november 2010

yayayayayayay i'm seeing my daddy soon :')! gah i'm so excited, my brother said i was so excited he thought i was a kid stuck in disneyland overnight? wtf? anyway, here i am just sat watching desperate housewives and doing crunches. seriously, the one thing i'm not excited is having to have a mcdonalds everytime he comes up. i'll stick to a fish finger happy meal; i'll hide the fish fingers and most of the chips and just glug on ma buxtons ;D hopefully. i'll purge it anyway. gah, i hate purging, but i can't have that shit contaminating my whale of a body. i've got enough issues with it anyway.
urgh, gotta go and have a chat with my mother now. she looks like she's been crying ): brb sexeehhhh <3

18th november 2010

hey,ho,hey,ho. sorry i haven't written in a while; i've been busy with school stuff, and like napping for england :L. ladeedah how much of a ned do i sound like? haha anyway, i haven't eaten in 37 hours, preparing for this weekend like. my dad's coming to see me, and for the first time i'm meeting his girlfriend - debbie. she seems nice enough on facebook, and i have to LOL at the fact she calls me chicken, how cute. i guess that's what you get off people from the north of england.

Monday 15 November 2010

bitch.

ugh, so fucking disgusting today. I mean you're not exactly gonna lose any weight by eating like 300 calories a day are you? seriously Chloe get a grip and listen or you will never get there you worthless piece of shit. listen and you will be rewarded and not let down. Jesus Christ it's your best friend we're talking about here, trust is a key issue needed. duh! you're so stupid.
fat bitch. worthless bitch. stupid bitch. boring bitch. ugly bitch. uncontrollable bitch. lying bitch. and now a dying bitch. (';

Saturday 13 November 2010

hmm. bad day today. 148 calories and for what? some raspberries and prawn crackers. god I'm fat. and a friend who I've grown apart from is abandoning me. so yeah, cheers for that God, I bet you're real happy up there while I'm down here wanting to die. fucksake.

i forgot there were two eight o clocks in the day D:

ugh, i woke up at eight o fucking clock this morning to go and watch my brother play football. and guess what? it's only gone and been cancelled! stupid twats leaving it too late. haha that reminds me, misfits series two started on thursday and it's actually the most hilarious programme, arguing about big twats and small cocks. PMSL :') go watch it bitchezz (;

12th november 2010

ugh. i deserve a fucking medal for not fainting today. seriously, i had to sit my science b1b gcse exam thingy and i just couldn't concentrate. gah, i was doing the higher tier section but i just know i fucked it up so i went back and did the foundation too. i think i failed it. damn, and i'll need it for my future job as well :\

i cut last night, and tonight. i recarved FAT onto my hip, and a sad smiley on my leg. it was such a release. i deserved the pain, cz i had just under 500 calories when i really shouldn't have. the stupid exam. i fucking went and ate 200 fucking calories at lunch before the exam didn't i? what a failure of a day. fuck me skinny.

Thursday 11 November 2010

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

oh my actual god. the xfactor lot are right jammy sods getting to go to the harry potter premier. LOL i found out that paije was an extra in the DA since the fourth film. LOL. i wonder if he's in the seventh? :L i watched the premier. awesome. can't wait until the film comes out mind, i met wet myself with excitement :'D
anyway, i ate tea today; some beans and a fried egg. please kill me? even though i had the exact same portion as my three year old brother i still feel fat! why can't i eat, even something small without feeling guilty and feeling like i'm gonna be sick. i wish i purged then everything would be so much easier. so shut the fuck up you stupid voice.

-

- without some goal and some effort ro reach it, no-one lives.
- we spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs; to want, to have and to do.
- you desire to know the art of living? it is contained in one phrase; to make use of suffering.
- there is no short-cut to achievement, life requires preparation.
- exercise is an extraordinary gift, and the supremest pleasure in life.
- to be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.
- lifes' challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
- life is something you do when you can't get to sleep.
- what would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
- the capacity for hope is the most significant fact of life. it provides human beings with a sense of destination and the energy to get started.

wednesday 10th november 2010

ugh. i ate chips last night. i went to watch fireworks at st.helens rugby club in swansea. damnnn. on the plus side i was stood up in the freezing cold for about 2 hours? ah well.
i didn't eat today. good too. and i'm in a bad mood. i'm just sat here revising for my biology gcse exam on friday and it's taking all my willpower to not just cwtch up in bed and watch harry potter. OHMYGOD HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PREMIER IS ON TOMORROW NIGHT. eeeeeeeeek!

Tuesday 9 November 2010

pink

argh i just found this picture on my camera and was about to put it on facebook. how ghastly of me! :O

Monday 8 November 2010

fun fun fun

i've been doing crunches and aerobics. i'm buzzing now. it's like getting high off exercise xD my mother and sterpdad took the piss out of me earlier,, saying my brother could beat me in a fight. haha yeah right. get your facts straight you gay-asses. anyway, i'm having fun fun fun barricading myself in my room, with the tv on full volume, blasting alan carr's celebrity ding dong. jaja.

++++

i should really get a picture of me at 107lbs to put on here, but ceebs. i'm so lazy.

pneumonia!

my fingernails are like a purple blue colour and my hands are dead cold :\
i've not eaten yet today. i don't want to. i've had two cups of coffee, a diet coke and two bottles of water throughout the day. i think i might go and get an apple herbal tea thingy, and that's like 3 calories. yeah, i'll do that. i don't want to get pneumonia in my hands.

oh i wish,,,


 


i wish i could remember a time before all of this, when i was happy. ^^ before counting calories, and weighing myself everyday, before fasting and binging,, blah fucking blah. but i can't. no matter how hard i try. i guess i'm never gonna be what most people call 'normal' anytime soon.

'scuse me love, your brains are addled.

8th november 2010
idk what mood i'm in tbh. it's 00.25 and harry potter and the chamber of secrets film has just finished. i have school later today as well. i'm not gonna be able to keep my eyes open :| oh well. anyway, this girl asked me for a "thinspo" picture of me for her and i said i cba to take one and she got dead offended so i sent her one from when i was about 5lbs heavier and the way she commented on it, i thought she'd wanna frame it :L her brains must be really addled. it made me think,  might start weighing myself every day now, just to see how much weight i lose in a day, rather than a week. bye :)

fail

7th november 2010
major fail. 280 fucking calories. fml. kill me now. no food for the rest of the week. i don't fucking deserve it.
YAY YAY YAY. i've actually lost weight this past week. i'm now 107lbs which is a loss of 6lbs which i know could've been better but it's my best loss in a long time. god i'm really happy. i want to be 100lbs by next sunday (14th november).

freak like me

6th november 2010
hmm. today sucked. i ate about 150 calories of an omlette. my mother took me into town and bought it for me, saying she was getitng worried about me not eating enough that week. excuse me? what does it matter to you? like you care? argh! anyway, we walked around town having a girly day out so i burned it off but still :\ i bet i've gained a few pounds more than if i'd have not eaten. ugh i hate regrets. my mother even told me she used to be bulimic. wow, i totally didn't expect that. seriously, what the fuck. i don't even know if i should believe her or not. it would seem bad if i didn't. ah well. i managed to take food upstairs fooling her into believing i was eating dinner and binned it, along with a double decker chocolate bar. what the hell is wrong with me? :L i'm gonna go and doo 500 crunches while listening to my harry potter soundtrack. god i love harry potter. OMG NOVEMBER 19TH HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 1 IS OUT IN CINEMAS. go and see it bitchezz ;)

:\

5th november 2010
hey. i'm in a good mood today, we had fireworks in our garden cz the big firework display at st helens was cancelled cz of the rain. roll on tuesday. it was pretty. it reminded me of prettythin, then the fact i'd not eaten all week. i'm dead proud of myself tbh. it's a warm and fuzzt feeling inside. LOL :')

haha okay, so i was looking at some of the pictures i'd uploaded on my old prettythin account and the comments i'd gotten and couldn't believe them :\
i was about 116lbs here and people commented on the picture saying i needn't lose anymore weight as i was already perfect. ASIFF. NICE TRY. BYEBYE.

memory lane

4th november 2010
major lol at me just sat on the windowsill looking at old photos. kind of like a walk down memory lane. gaah i want to go walking, it'll burn calories.
god. i can remember this. it was the start of the easter holidays and me and my brother were pissing around with my camera. i'm quite pleased with myself cz i lost 14lbs in two weeks. yeyeye. but it wasn't enough :\

Sunday 7 November 2010

desperate.

4th november 2010
ah i ache so badly. i mean i only went to school today after i made a deal with my mother. she said i could stay off but i couldn't have a bath and i really wanted a nice long soak to ease my muscles. the bitch. so i endured tedious lessons just for a bath. god i'm desperate. my brother also went into my room and saw several conversations with shannice. so i had to like fake argue with her to get him off my case,, i felt so badly cz she's amazing, and i think i upset her :\ and now i'm trying really hard not to go downstairs and eat the chocolate that i got from going on my business studies trip to the michton chocolate factory yesterday. gaaaah. when will this ever end? ):

hello control, long time no see (:

3rd november 2010
i didn't eat today either. i think me getting a new prettythin account has helped me greatly, i've gained so much willpower and control in the last few days it's ridiculous ;o. i've just done 500 crunches while watching a vampire diaries episode i missed a few weeks ago. god i've missed so many tv episodes. i'l just catch up during meal times (:

stepbrothers are shitheads

2nd november 2010
i've consumed 136 calories and it's all because my stepbrother had to come over at a certain time, the shithead. and guess what it was? soup! i purged it though :\ and i'm not gonna count it as eating seeing as though i drank it out a cup LOL. it did kinda wreck my mood but i was unusually happy anyway cz guess what?! I GOT MY TEST MARKS BACK AND GOT A's AND A*'s. GET IN CHLOE :'D. i got 84% in maths which is the highest in my class so my teacher is moving me up to the top set. i got 48/52 in my history which is an A*. i got 23/25 in my geography which is A/A* cz the test was in two sections. then i've been getting mostly A's but some A*'s in science past gcse papers. yay. my dad's giving me £10 aswell. and i didn't even revise for any of my tests being too busy, but mostly lazy (:

time flies

1st november 2010
pinch punch it's the first of the month (; pahaha that never gets old xD first day back at school and seriously there's nothing like a lesson of french to wake you up in the morning when you're feeling tired. je m'appelle chloe <3 anyway,, i haven't eaten yet, just drunk loads of water and juice. i don't want to eat for two weeks. i want will be under 7stone (98lbs) by christmas. i have to be, otherwise i just won't enjoy the whole christmas spirit.

muah hahaha

31st october 2010
happy fucking halloween my lovelies. shit time for people with eating disorders. i took my brother trick or treating, didn't get any sweets yet i dressed up. how stupid can you get? i still wanted to keep with the theme but i just made the excuse that i had toothache. which is partly true. haha LOL i actually ripped up my old school uniform. love it!

<<< I actually hate this picture. it was on my birthday 9 february 2010 and i weighed roughly 9stone7 (133lbs).






This picture however was talken tonight. i weighed exactly 113 lbs. weird how it's exactly 20lbs lighter. >>>

i really want some sweets right now D:




bleurghbleurgh

30th october 2010
bleurgh. i ate chips for dinner. me and mother are having a girly night in watching the xfactor. i'm sat drooling over one direction while feeling guilty after eating choco buttons. god. where did my control go? :\ i'm gonna post a picture of cher llyod on here at some point. she's a right beaut. and dead skinny! i wish i was her!

blah

29th october 2010
i'm bored out of my fucking skull right now. i'm just sat here revising for my biology gcse exam that's in two weeks. i'm dreading it. i'm so nervous that i ate. crap crap crappy crap. at least it's under 500 yeah? not good enough chloe. okay so i'm gonna go on my bike for abitt now to burn it off. bye :')

bye bye summer time

28th october 2010
fuck sake, my feet are blue. i'm guessing summer has now ended then. i can't even remember the last time it was relatively warm. oh well, at least it's burning calories. the clocks go back on saturday night. winter will deffo kick in then. fuck, this is depressing. hmm,, on the plus side i've not eaten in two days. i feel shit for it so i might make a low calorie smoothie tomorrow. obviously i'll burn it off. i've made a rule that i'm not to consume any extra calories then are absolutely neccesary. or empty calories for that matter. i will succeed.

,,

27th october 2010

gaah. i miss my friends ): i also feel fat because of this picture. well i always feel fat so nothings changed, it's just urrrrrgghhhh! it pisses me off that i can't look at my body, my reflection, and pictures of me and not be washed over by a feeling of self-loathe. i fucking hate it, but i don't know what i'd be without it.

lazy ass

26th october 2010
i'm so lazy, i mean i didn't even get out of my bed today until gone 11am :L longest lie in i've had in ages. it was probably brought on from the fact that i was puking my guts out yesterday. i didn't even lose any weight man. that's just harsh -.-

jfxgbiwdpotg#BR

24th october 2010
nah nah nah nah nah. i won at bowling today. but i lost with my food intake. 458 calories ): someone mail me a gun in the post?

caerdydd

23rd october 2010
good day today in cardiff with the dad and brother i think (: had a bag of quavers and a bag of fruit flakes. gives me a total of 202 calories. goodo. and my dad bought me two pairs of tracksuit trousers, a furry hoodie jacket thing, a hat, and some bow clips for my hair. i really wanted to get a bag but i didn't see the one i wanted. damn.

yippee

22nd october 2010
yay. no more school for a week, get in! lalala i went to mcdonalds with my dad and brothers and had a latte. that brings my daily food intake to 5 coffees, a diet coke and a latte xD i really wish i could have a lie in tomorrow but i have to get up at half eight. what a great way to start the holidays -.-

ECSTACY BABEY.

21st october 2010
i've not eaten today. and i went for a run too. good day me thinks, exept for the fact i had a maths test :'D yessss! it's finally the last day of term tomorrow, i'm dead excited. bring on the holidays mateeey. and my dad's coming up for the weekend. nothings gonna spoil my good mood today and tomorrow, not even the stupid history test i've got last lesson tomorrow. HAHA I'M ECSTATIC.

epicly epic xD

19th october 2010
i've had 291 calories so far today. shit i know but i have burned alot off dancing? yeah it's no excuse. anyway, i've been reading a harry potter fanfiction story on fanfiction to keep my mind off food and have been staying up until like 2am on several nights to read it :L it's fucking amazing! it's called 'it all started with a visit to gringotts' and it's written by jadedragon36 on http://www.fanfiction.com/ . you should seriously read it. i'll warn you now that it is about 60 chapters and if you go to bed at a normal time it'll probably take you like a week to read. i love it!

revision

17th october 2010
d'you want the good news or the bad news first? hmm, lets go with good. ooops i lied there is no good news. the bad news is that yesterday i consumed exactly 500 calories, and i'm still trying to do no more than 500. god that was so close. now, for the bad news..
shitting hell my brother blinded himself yesterday. the stupid idiot squeezed shower gel in his eyes and had to go to hospital. now he refuses to open his eyes. and he kept me awake all night by waking up crying every half hour. now i can't even revise for my geography test tomorrow and it'll be all his fault when i fail. god i hate three year olds.

oops

15th october 2010
i didn't eat monday. i didn't eat tuesday. i didn't eat wednesday. i didn't eat thursday. but guess what? i did eat on friday. stupid. i feel fat now. it was only 113 calories of fruit flakes but i feel fat. i shouldn't have done it. god i'm such a fucking whale of a pig. haha there should so be a new species of a whale pig that scientists have like cross-bred. but that would just be perverted. pmsl.

c'est la vie.

13th october 2010
i've not eaten again today. good. but i can do it longer. i wil do it longer. i strive for perfection, and this is how i'm gonna get it. or die trying. they're the only options i have. that's life - c'est la vie.

cheesy.

12th october 2010
oooh eeeh ooh ooh ahh,, ting tang walla walla bing bang,, oooh eeeh ooh ahh ahh,, ting tang walla walla bing baaaaang. LOL at me just sat here listening to cheesy 90's tunes to be cheerful. kinda working. hmm, i've consumed 0 calories since my tea on sunday. it's staying that way. i think i'm gonna do yoga now. bye :')

my own fault.

11th october 2010
i'm shattered. i didn't sleep until 5am. two fucking hours of sleep and i'm dragged out of bed for school. so unfair! anyway, i decided not to leave the house until sean left which made me late. but ohwell, it was only french. i mitched off english while being on the phone to my dad telling him everything, who them told my mum >.< hopefully she'll dump the bastard but that's not likely. i think i might sleep now, even though it's like 4pm. then i won't have to go downstairs. and i don't have to eat. night

SERIOUS FML MOMENT.

10th october 2010
i want to die, i wish i was 6 fucking feet under the fucking ground. in case you're wondering, i've just had a huge argument with my stepdad, and it was apparantly that bad he had to go for a walk for an hour, in the pitch black at 9pm? :L anyway, we'd just finished watching the xfactor and cz diana vickers is performing next week on it he started to play her songs through the laptop. now, i think she's ok, but my mum hates her with a burning passion like nothing you've seen. anyway, she goes out the room and my sean's just like "what an idiot" so i have a go at him saying it's his own fault blahfuckingblah and he has a go at me etc. i mean i have no problem with this cz i'm just calling hima fat twat, like ya do then he aims a blow so low i would'nt even think it was possible. he goes "yeah, coming from the idiot who annoys everyone by just being around, and you can't even say you don't like me mate when you don;t even like yourself. it's your own fault you're like that". now, i wanted to punch him but i carried on having a go and that until i was on the verge of tears. i ran upstairs and cried into my pillow and was so depressed i was considering an overdose. i don't know if he's back yet but it's like half ten now so probably. i never want to speak to him again.

LML.













10th october 2010
i actually love my life. my brother's coming home this afternoon after being away all weekend, the last time i saw him was thursday morning cz i've been out. god i've missed him.  ahh, the wonders of sisterly love (L).

rebel.

8th october 2010
pahaha i'm such a rebel man. i got an hour long detention after school detention. it was for forgetting to hand my science book in. what a pathetic excuse to keep someone after school on a fucking friday. seriously wtf? the teacher even sent a letter home, and i almost died of laughter when my mum nearly fainted after reading it. :L eurgh and i nearly binged too, like i had history last and i was just sat there talking to the legend that is hannah brown and my stomach rumbled, luckily no-one heard but i ate a cookie on the way to detention cz i had no drinks to shut my stomach up. fml. i'm not eating anymore today. i don't deserve to.

that is just weird

7th october 2010
i'm in such a good mood right now, bahdahdahdahdah i'm luvin' it ;) LOL. no, seriously i am cz yesterday i did my english thing and i got 14/20 which is a gcse B. yayayayay. i'm so happy. i know i could've got a higher mark if i knew what i was doing in the first place but oh well, even my mothers dead chuffed about it. and to top it all off, i've lost a lb. FUCK YES, THIS DAY HAS TURNED OUT TO BE FUCKING AMAZING.

it's a fucking joke!

5th october 2010
hey, sorry i've not posted in a few days. i've not really had much to say. i'm a very boring person :L i'm actually sat here right now planning my english narrative story that apparantly counts for 15% of the grade or something idk, all i do know is that i'm gonna fail cz my brain won't turn on! it's really hard ):
i think i might just wing it in the lesson and get an F, yeah i'll do that. i cba to plan anymore. i'm gonna catch up on my business studies work i missed when i was off school. i like business studies, it's dead easy and i'm getting full marks and stuff. this is the easiest subject ever and you get two gcse's out of it. this subject was made for people like me.

pinch punch it's the first of the month ;D

1st october 2010
yay it's friday :D doesn't feel like it tbh cz i've only been in school three days this week :L i'm bored as well, and hungry. i actually wish i had homework. i'm insane. ahwell, i'm gonna go and listen to my harry potter audiobooks. corrrr, i fucking love stephen fry (;
au revoir <3

skiver? :L

28th september 2010
ohmygod i hate my mother. she's accusing me of skiving off school when it's hardly true! well, i didn't want to go to school but i still tried which resulted in me throwing up. yum. naaaaat! i'm actually bored out of my fucking mind though. i really wish i was in school right now. i think i must've bumped my head :L

ill again

27th september 2010
i'm off school ill today. i feel shit. i'm not eating anything either. it's a good excuse mind :} i'm just sat in bed watching harry potter,, as you do ;D

i'm a winner xD

september 26th 2010
ah man today was the last day with my dad :( i felt ill all day as well. we went bowling and i lost the first game, but won by a mile on the second game. it was awesome. i did however eat some onion rings ): that was the only bad thing about today tbh. other than that i'm in a good mood. yeyeye.

shopping (:

25th september 2010
today i went to cardiff with my dad and older younger brother. i have to say it was really good. i watched my brother play football first which i'm really into, and i must've burned about 300 calories stood there watching xD then we went to cardiff and my dad bought me a leather jacket thingy, some tan coloured uggs, some socks with the days of the week on them, a knitted woolen scarf and he gave me his hoodie <3 it's a mickey mouse one that is suprisingly really comfy :D
i'm proud of my calorie intake too, i had a vanilla latte from costa coffee and a packet of quavers during the whole day i was out, then a diet coke at home. i'm impressed. i'm also tired from walking really far. my bed is calling my name (: bye.

arghh

24th september 2010
i ate :( i had a medium portion of fries = 220 calories. kill me now? i can't believe i ate them!
i don't deserve to go to cardiff tomorrow with my dad. failures should be made to do punishments, not get rewarded.

ill ):

24th september 2010
omg, i hate this. i'm fucking ill with tiredness, migraines and some kind of gastric bug. i'm going to have a shit weekend now. i mean my dad's coming to visit me and my brothers for the weekend and my mum says i can't go tonight unless i get out of bed at least 3 hours before he gets here. that's just inhumane. how will i manage that? it could be a good thing if i don't go cz he takes us to mcdonalds. ahwell. i'll go but i won't have anything. yes, i think i'll do that. afterall he can't make me eat any of that shit cz i'm a vegetarian. nuh-uh.

fml

22nd september 2010
fml, it's 4.56am and i've not been able to get to sleep. and i have school tomorrow. this is great,,, just great.

brumbrum ;D

19th september 2010
well, today i finally went out to watch my stepdads mum fly a plane. it was quite boring tbh. while she was flying over mumbles and that we just went in a cafe and ate. of course i only had a diet coke but it was enough to have suspiscions arise. FUCK. ahwell i'd packed crisps in my bag so just showed them that and they were happy :)
anyway. we went to a like dead peaceful garden place where i sat in a tree. i felt like a bird LOL. i jumped out of it and ended up almost breaking my arm, and if it wasn't for my brother  would probably be in A&E right now. ooh i definately owe him <3

ohh yeaah

17th september 2010
pahaa i love my new school so much better than my old one :) i'm getting less homework than i did in year 7 and it's gcse year. weird. LOL.
i still eat lunch at school, well if you count a low calories biscuit. nomnom. i want to be able to just have a diet coke, and also start to save up my dinner money. if i didn''t spend it all week i'd have £10. yes, i think i might do that :)

LOL XDDD

15th september 2010
hey. i've been depressed lately. this 500 calories for a month thing hasn't helped me lose any weight. it sucks -.- but i was looking through my fat photos from earlier in the year and i found a particular photo that makes me PMSL every single time i see it. i thought i would share it with you, in the hope that it could possibly cheer you up :')
sorry about the bad quality pixels or whatever. blame my stepdad. MAJOR LOL AT MY BROTHER XDDD

errmm

12th september 2010
haha well today i've not fasted, but i have done under 500 calories (: i think i did quite well seeing as though i went out for the day. while being out i just ate mostly veggies but i did have a slice of bread with a dairylea triangle that was about 100 calories :\
i cycled over two miles though. i'm dead proud of myself but i ache everywhere. i'm going for a bath now. bye :)

GAAAAAAAAH. TAKING PICTURES OF ME SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! PEOPLE PUTTING PICTURES OF ME ON FACEBOOK SHOULD GET ARRESTED.

R.I.P

11 september 2010
it's 9/11 today. i watched a documentary on channel 4 earlier about the twin towers suicide attack. it was horrific. i mean seriously, where was God on 9/11? that's the question.
i was actually meant to go and watch my stepdads mother fly a plane today (ironic isn't it?) but the rain cancelled it. oh well, i just stayed inside doing nothing. and i ate, nothing over 500 calories so that's okay but i still feel sick :\

lalala

10th september 2010
yay it's friday :D i'm glad, even the rain can't dampen my mood. i've decided i will ease myself into fasting at school and see how it goes. idk D; everythings just so different to my old school. it's weird. the worst thing is the stomach grumblings.
haha even my best friend meg has noticed i don't eat alot and i've only been at that school 4 weeks. i should really work on changing that.

sorry

8th september 2010
i'm sorry about my last post, it didn't really make sense. well i know i didn't reach my goal weight cz i didn't have any motivation but that was no excuse. me and shanny are trying a 500 calorie a day "plan" with no binges. we're trying to eat exactly the same so if one of us binges the other one has to have the same amount of calories. i don't know how that bit will work tbh. oh well. i can do this. i will get to october without binging.

what's normal?

7th september 2010
someone help me. i think i've forgotten what normal is. i can't remember a time before this. things have changed like i now eat about 200 calories at school and a 300 calorie dinner rather than before in england when i only ate a 200 calorie meal. i wish i could go back to not having to count every fucking calorie i put in my body, and then feel guilty afterwards. well, i guess you can't have everything i guess.

not too bad.

3rd september 2010
school wasn't so bad today tbh. i mean i got there on time having woken up at 7am. gosh i don't think i can remember the last time i woke up that early :L anyway, my timetable this year seems good seeing as though i dropped alot of subjects for gcse that in my opinion were worthless. lets see, yeah i'm taking; history, business studies, geography, french and double science. i like history, it's interesting. god i sound like such a ned! and now the compulsory subjects; pshe, pe, re, english, maths, core science and welsh. i really don't see the point in welsh but neither do most of the students in my year. LOL. the only thing i'm gutted about is that they've cut pe lessons down to one hour a week instead of two. it sucks, and me chosing to do basketball for a term also sucks. get in chloe! D;

i'm screwed

2nd september 2010
gaah, school tomorrow. i really don't know how i'm going to do it. i mean i've got into the routine of staying up until 3 in the morning and getting up at like 1 in the afternoon -.- i've been going to bed at like 9pm all this week to get into the pattern of sleeping but i think i may have insomnia ): or it could possibly be that i drink coffee about 10 minutes before i go to bed. either way i'm screwed. i'll die of sleep deprivation.

Saturday 6 November 2010

LOSER

1st september 2010
i can't believe it's september. time has certainly flown. i happened to be on twitter earlier looking at tweets of the day or whatever and i thought i's share this with you as it made me PMSL :') "it's september 1st. if you're reading this tweet then you're not a wizard going to hogwarts. sucks for you." that reminds me, i've got school in two days. it's a fucking joke going back to school on a friday when everyone else goes back on monday 6th. ahwell, never mind eh? i like to think it'll make me more academically ahead. god only knows i need it (;

yeyeye :D

31st august 2010
haha i'm in a good mood today. idk if the chemicals in my brain have been released after doing yoga on the wii fit? :L
it's probably more to do with the conversations i've been having on msn xD shannice is such a babe and can cheer me up anytime. she's amazing and bless her heart such a good person who least of all people deserves an eating disorder. she's always there for me, and even though we can sometimes be in a bad mood with each other we always "kiss and make up" (:
SHANNY BABY YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING. never forget it!

bleugh

30th august 2010
fml. i'm such a whale. the slimming world plan is going ok but i've stepped on the scales for the first time in a few days and i'm 110lbs. i'm depressed.

hmmm..

29th august 2010
hmm, straight to the point >> today my mother sat me down and said she thought my food patterns had started to get out of hand again. she has made a food plan for a whole week that the whole family has to follow. i thought it was stupid but she said she was doing ti for slimming world or as she calls it "fat fighters" LOL :') she probably thinks i'm fat enough to need to lose weight. idk if i should do it, i mean i'll be having about 1000 so if i don't lose i should definitly maintain. ugh! it annoys me that i don't have control over what i eat. i think i'll try it for the week, i mean it's the least i can do tbh. but i refuse to eat breakfast, or puddings. she laughed when i said that, but agreed i didn't have to eat breakfast, i've never eaten breakfast anyway. she said i could have puddings and treats provided i don't eat over 15 syns. fuck syns or whatever they are. puddings = calories = junk food = not part of "plan". i'm stopping my plan anyway, i've only lost 2lbs which is not enough.

ceebs

24th august 2010
gaah. i have a major case of ceebs regarding tidying my room. i mean, it is messy with clothes and books and shit on the floor and some of my stuuf in boxes under the bed but i'm too tired to do it. i went for a run today :D first time in ages and it felt really good. i miss running. anyway, i decided to tidy my room cz i knew i'd get a bollocking off my mother for not doing it. i have to admit it looks tons better than it did before, and i found loads of stuff i thought i'd lost.
i actually made a list of what i found. i like making lists. haha LOL you must think i'm insane but no-one reads this so i think i'll be alright :L
- a picure from an oakwood ride, and that was only yesterday :L
- my diary
- my fluffy pyjamas and bed socks
- one of my two phone chargers
- my tv remote
- a few stray food wrappers from my last binge
- MY HOT WATER BOTTLE <3
- my old spongebob squarepants slippers
- my gap hoodie
- and finally my ipod touch case
looking at that i think i'm stupid cz the only thing i realised was missing was my ipod touch case. according to my stepdad i obviously have too many things. coming from the man who has half of his belongings furnishing the conservatory. fucking hyppocrite.

confused :\

23rd august 2010
i should be shot. i really should. i mean, if i stuck to doing things i'd probably not have any regrets. unfortunately i do have regrets ):
the "plan" was still going strong,, until i went out with the family. we went to oakwood, which is basically a theme park, and i actually had fun! me and my brother went on loads of rides including a water one which was a 120ft drop into water :L
my stepdad took this picture when we got off and when i saw it on facebook i wanted to die. i look so fat in it. it's ridiculous. i'm fasting now, for as long as possible.

idk.

21st august 2010
hiyaa :')
well, i have to say the "plan" is going well so far. i've kept under 500 daily and even fasted for one of the days xD idk what to write. hmmmmmm.
ooh! i'm really into the pretty reckless right now,, their album 'light me up' is in shops but i downloaded it and tbh it's amazing. i can relate to some of the lyrics and taylor momsen sings them really well. i especially like 'make me wanna die' cz i sometimes just wanna die. idk :L anyway,, you should listen to it. the video's pretty good too, she looks haawt ;D

it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new body for me.

18th august 2010
hmm, i was sat for about half an hour trying to think up a new "plan" that i could possibly stick to. losing weight and gaining control in the process. i don't know how long i'll be successful but i'll try two weeks seeing as though i want to be seven stone by september 3rd for school.
- no more than 500 calories each day. (this includes drinks).
- must have a low calorie drink EVERY hour.
- 500 crunches every day + 30 minutes of aerobics.
- if i exceed 500 calories daily,, i must do 5 crunches per CALORIE.
- no junk food. eg; crisps, chocolate, ice-cream.....
- and finally,, make a cake SUCCESSFULLY without burning or deforming it.
i hope i can do it.

crying seems to be the hardest thing

17th august 2010
i broke down crying today. it was shit. i'd just eaten soup having not eaten for three days previously and i felt fat for having it.
it all developed as my mother started slagging off my father. i mean, who the fuck does she think she is?! well, i certainly won't be calling her my mother anytime soon. she says she's gonna cut the internet cz my father slagged her off on facebook. i mean he didn;t even use her name, it was more my uncle scott tbh, and he can be an idiotic idiot sometimes; not thinking before he opens his gob. anyway, she just slags him off saying i'm not allowed To go near him again. well, thanks very much you made that a sure thing by moving us to fucking wales. god i could murder that woman. so i just took a sandwich upstairs and devoured it in like 2 minutes on the verge of tears. then i burst into tears cz i missed my dad having not seen him for two months. i'm wishing it was september atm.

hermits rule :}

16th august 2010
when i grow up i wanna be......
well, apparantly according to my twat of a stepdad i will be a hermit. a hermit who never ventures outside. WELL I'M SORRY BUT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR MAKING ME MOVE 400 MILES AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS. dickhead.
tbh, i like the sound of that; even though i told him to fuck off and die. as i was sat in my room during my "punishment" it gave me time to think if i never go outside,, no-one would see how fat i am. therefore i would be safe from the whispers. pahaa who am i kidding?
if people see this picture they'll probably just think i was waiting for my family to finish their ice-creams after i'd scoffed mine. not that i didn't have one, i'd not eaten in 3 days. well, that's life. it's like marmite; either you love it, or you hate it.

sleepless nights

14th august 2010
oooh la la i'm like invincible :L it's now saturday and i haven't slept since wednesday night. except for little hour naps LOL. i've never done this before. i think i might go and sleep seeing as though you can die first from sleep deprivation, not food deprivation.
at this rate i'll never reach 16.

depressed

12th august 2010
fml. i binged. like 2000 calories. that killed my fast. AND it's 11.43pm so i'm not allowed to sleep, and i'm knackered from exercising. LOL at me today just doing all these exercises off you-tube. that would've been a waste, but i was told it would've counter-acted the binge? idk D: i miss prettythin, i miss the support. i can't even go on my account anymore cz my mum knows about it,, and actually checks! the bitch. i mean it doesn't even involve her.

..

10th august 2010
i wish i was back in england. i miss my friends. i miss my room actually being a nice colour. i miss my squashy bed which has now been given to my brother with me having my mothers old double bed,, that's obviously a message that i'm too fat for a single bed.
the thing i miss the most is my control. i could fast for days at a time,, the most being 11 but ever since a friend told my mother everything i have only been managing 2-3 days at the most without her getting on my case. i can't even exercise like i used to cz the bike machine is in england. fml! i mean i've not gained any weight since the end of june, but i've not lost any either. i've probably eaten like 1000-2000 a day and even though i still count calories and fat gram etc i'm not doing anything about it. i don't deserve to eat.

fat fashion

9th august 2010
sorry i haven't posted in a while,, i've been busy! and yeah thanks i do feel better now thanks for asking (:
okay, so i officially hate my brother. i had to like go out for the WHOLE day and he went and spilled his breakfast on my baggy jeans so i had to wear shorts. eeeek! then to top it all off he took a picture of me :\ and i didn't realise that when i uploaded my days worth of pictures it went on facebook. i know i can't hate him forever cz he doesn't understand why i won't talk to him cz he's three. bless. now my mum's in a piss cz she thinks i'm being nasty to him. well, she can fuck off and if she wants me to be nice for the day, (which tbh i think i was nicer than i would've been cz it was a good day out) she should buy me more jeans so i don't have to wear shorts. to top it all off i've had like 1000 calories :( i fail. EPICALLY.
my legs actually look like the size of my bedside table. EACH. kill me now please.

haha

6th august 2010
LOL at me just sat in bed watching all the harry potter films at 3.47am :L. i'm currently watching the goblet of fire , which in my opinion isn't the best film in the series, but not the worst. it's like in the middle cz i think the story is good as well as the acting and that but i don't always enjoy watching it cz it's a pirate copy dvd :L thanks very much father. that reminds me, i should really put that on my christmas list so i can enjoy watching it. i might also add the philosophers stone and chamber of secrets cz i only have them in VIDEO form. gosh i feel so like un-modern if you get me. i'm so behind with the times. LOL.

god i feel like shit

5th august 2010
i was right! the summer holidays so far have been shit,, i mean if my stupid mother hadn't shipped us off to wales BECAUSE OF HER BOYFRIEND i would be out with my friends and not lying in bed in pain after overdosing on ten panadol );
i actually got so annoyed and stressed out that on tuesday night i overdosed after crying for an hour. i took ten panadol, but i could've taken more seeing as though i have a collection of about 30 tablets... but i didn't. and it didn't even kill me! what a waste of pain. i could'nt even sleep that night, then i was in bed all day wednesday throwing my guts up while my family were out having fun. i had like the worst headache in the world and i mean i get bad migraines but this was just ridiculously painful. haha then the funny thing is that i hadn't eaten in like 4 days and they bring me chips home from the chippy over the road from my house (i can actually smell the chippy's chips if i open my bedroom window and like strain my nose LOL) and that must've been about 350 calories cz i had bbq sauce and about 10 minutes after finishing them i was sat on the toilet. it was like i'd taken a fucking laxative. too much information? sorry! (: so i was like running backwards and forwards as my bedroom door is conviniently opposite the bathroom spending up to 15 minutes in there at any one time. what a great way to spend your wednesday night eh?! my stupid fat twat of a stepdad then said "ahaha chloe, you're so lazy you just lie in your bed and aim your arse in the direction of the toilet so you don't have to get up." well thanks for that mate, you really know how to make a girl feel good!

hiyaaaaaaa :')

3rd august 2010
i feel like utter crap right now. my stupid stepdad has been making stupid remarks about me + it's really getting to me tbh. i could just go and punch him seeing as though he's not my stepdad, just my mothers boyfriend but i bet he'd cut off my internet. stupid twat.
i just want to die,, i bet no-one would care if i did. haha that would show him, then he'd be sorry. omg i could be like moaning myrtle and haunt himm forever so he's always reminded it was his fault.
gaaaah i absolutely love harry potter! i actually can't wait until deathly hallows comes out in the cinemas. it's worth peeing my pants over. LOL :')

check out this hot shit ;D

www.prettyalone.com www.prettythin.com www.calorieking.com www.fanfiction.com {what a great distraction}

FUCKING HELL THAT'S HANGING!

FUCKING HELL THAT'S HANGING!